Hercules and the First Day of School
by DJHoover
Summary: The mighty Hercules, tested by dangers that no mere mortal can brave: the thousand-headed hydra, the fearsome Nemean lion, and perhaps the greatest challenge of all...high school! When Hercules is enrolled at the prestigious Prometheus Academy, can he climb to the top of the social hierarchy or be left behind with the losers? Note: this is based on the TV series.
1. Chapter 1

**Part 1**

Philoctetes, the trainer of heroes, stepped out of his humble abode, blinded by the rays of the morning Sun. After taking a sip of his morning coffee, Phil bent over, scratching his furry hips. He knew that today was the day - the day his trainee, Hercules, embarked on his first day of high school. The satyr dreaded this day, but Hercules's father Zeus demanded it, and who was Phil to argue with the king of the gods?

Phil sighed and decided to accept the inevitable. Stretching and bending over again, he noticed that a copy of the _Greekly World News_ had been delivered overnight. Just before his hairy hands were about to wrap around the newspaper's scroll handle, a blue blur streaked from the sky and zoomed past Phil into Phil's house, which created a gust that slipped Phil's coffee cup out of his grip. The goblet spun through the air and landed on him, spilling scalding liquid onto his head.

"Hermes," Phil grumbled, clenching his fists. He chased the little, blue messenger god back into his house. "Hermes, my paper! Now!"

Hermes waved the newspaper just out of Phil's reach. "Today's top story," he announced, "the fabulous Prometheus Academy welcomes the oh-so-happening Hercules!"

Hercules, sitting patiently at the kitchen table, looked up, eyes widening. "Really?" he exclaimed. "Let me see!" He reached for the paper, but Hermes yanked it away. Losing his balance, Hercules fell onto the chair in front of him before picking himself up again.

"Didn't make the Valley Edition. But on Mount Olympus, all the gods and goddesses are like, hyped, man." He stared down at Hercules's meal, which was so small, it made army rations look like a feast. Hermes frowned. "Breakfast," Hermes added, "is the most important meal of the day." He disappeared and came back holding a helmet upside-down. Hermes swiftly tossed in fruits and berries, using the newspaper scroll to blend them into a creamy broth. "Aye-aye-aye, forgot the bananas!," he exclaimed, throwing bananas into the mixture and repeating the process. He handed his creation to Hercules, who downed it with pleasure.

"Thanks," Hercules replied.

"Hey, you're not nervous, are ya?" Hermes asked.

Hercules tightened his grip on the helmet, running a finger around its rim. "No...should I be?" He slouched in his seat.

"Nice work, Wing-Tips," Phil groaned, snatching his newspaper from Hermes's hand and whacking him with it. He turned to face Hercules. "Kid, the first day of school is just like any other."

"But what if nobody likes me?" Hercules protested. "What if I screw up?"

Phil gazed at the ceiling. A sharp pain was growing in his brain. "Oy, this is one of those 'peer pressure teen angst crises.'" He held up two fingers. "Two words: Re-lax." Hercules took one long, deep breath.

During a brief period of majestic silence, Hermes calmly appeared in between them. "By the way, did I mention that the school barge is here?"

Hercules, who was in the process of chewing a bundle of grapes, immediately ceased chewing. The ball of food hung on one side of his cheeks. "No way!" he shouted, spitting out the mashed-up grapes. Hermes ducked, and the slimy food flew through the air and bounced squarely off Phil's face. Hercules would have apologized, but he had no time; he quickly grabbed a paper bag with his name on it and rushed out of Phil's front door.

A pasture away, a long, flat-topped barge bobbed graciously in the water. An impatient-looking woman tapped her foot on the bow, constantly checking the sundial that she wore as a watch, which was a key aspect of recent fashion trends. Hercules stopped on the bluff above the boat and, without thinking, leapt face-first into the fragile hull. The boat capsized, completely soaking all of its occupants.


	2. Chapter 2

**Part 2**

One by one, wet students emerged from a small, wooden ladder, and onto the Prometheus Academy docks. As they passed Hercules, they shot him dirty looks. Hercules had no choice but to accept his guilt, even though it was an accident. He was the last to disembark. Before he could apologize for the millionth time, he came face-to-face with a short, bird-like man with a large nose and a British accent. He looked like he was in his mid-forties.

"Where's our new student?" he addressed the crowd. Hercules raised his hand up to his shoulder level. "I am Mr. Parenthesis, your guidance counselor."

Before Hercules could do anything, Mr. Parenthesis took out a marble card and some chiseling equipment and quickly etched out an image of Hercules on the card. The person staring back at Hercules had messy hair, half-open eyes, and a peculiarly-shaped mouth. Hercules was alarmed that his picture was uglier than a Gorgon.

"This is your student ID," Mr. Parenthesis explained. "It signifies that you are a student of Prometheus Academy, the most prestigious school in Greece (and a ten drachma fee if lost or stolen)."

"It won't leave my sight, sir," Hercules replied, slipping the ID into his white chiton.

Mr. Parenthesis began handing out items so rapidly, Hercules could barely keep up. Mr. Parenthesis listed these objects as Hercules grabbed them: "Here is your campus map (recently revised), cafeteria menu (I like the mutton), and your locker number (memorize and destroy)." When he finished, the stack that Hercules was carrying was nearly as tall as he was. However, due to his strength, Hercules could lift the pile with ease. Mr. Parenthesis tapped Hercules encouragingly on the back and gave him a light nudge towards the lockers.

Hercules walked parallel to the long line of lockers. His eyes focused on the number on a small piece of parchment - XI. He held up his number and compared it with the lockers in front of him until he had a match. Hercules had just started opening his locker when several demonic creatures escaped. They flew past Hercules, messing up his hair and tormenting the crowd around him.

"NO NO NOT THIS ONE!" came a voice from behind Hercules. A student with black, lightning-shaped hair hurled himself against the locker door, slamming it shut. "This is Pandora's locker," he explained as Hercules gathered his scattered belongings. "She's got some...issues."

"Sorry," Hercules replied. "I'm new."

"Obvious. I'm Icarus."

"Hercules - call me Herc."

Icarus smoothly reached his arm around Hercules' shoulders. "Herc, as a newbie, you need someone who's 'plugged in' - someone who can get ya into the epicenter of the academy's chic, Greek, elite."

"Thanks! That'd be great!"

Icarus started walking away. "I know, wouldn't it? I'm not that guy..." he confessed.

Hercules stood still, pondering his next move. He caught up to Icarus. "That's OK. I mean...you must know what it's like to be a newbie."

"Believe it, baby!" Icarus exclaimed. "On day one, this place can be scarier than giving Medusa a makeover. So where does a strapping fellow like yourself come from?"

"Well, I was raised on a farm in Arcadia. My parents were sheepherders - my foster parents, actually. I was adopted."

"Arcadia. I've been down that road before...sunshine, nice scenery, the distance from the hustle and bustle of city life..."

"I'm from there, I've been living on an island with a satyr. His name's Philoctetes."

"The great Philoctetes, trainer of warriors? Impressive...you're training to become a warrior?"

"It's heroes, actually," Hercules corrected, "and I'm training to become a hero. "To tell you the truth...well...OK, actually, I'm...the son of Zeus and Hera."

Icarus's eyes widened to the size of dinner plates. "You're...a god?" he asked.

"Ye - kind of..."

Icarus jumped up and down. "Prove it!"

Hercules spotted a marble fountain on a smooth round base. It consisted of a crouched statue of Atlas holding up a large bowl. Usually, it would be filled with water, but on this occasion, it was empty. The entire sculpture weighed at least 500 pounds. Hercules placed a hand under the base and lifted it as if it was a piece of papyrus. Icarus's eyes widened to the size of saucers.

"Wow!" he exclaimed. "OK, OK...I'm a believer." Icarus bent down on all fours and started to sniff. "That's weird...why aren't you glowing?"

"When I was a baby, I was forced to drink a magic potion and I sorta - "

"Lost your divinity? So now you're stuck down here with us poor slobs?"

"Exactly. Gee, Icarus, you catch on quick. So yeah, that's pretty much the story. And I can never return to Olympus until I become a 'true hero.' That's why I'm training with Phil. The island's pretty cool...got my own place and everything. But it gets kinda lonely...I would like to make friends with my own species."

Icarus leapt in front of Hercules. "Well that you will," he promised. "You must observe the school hierarchy - knowing the who's who and what's what. Permit me to be your guide, O Semi-Divine Hercules, your Charon as it were, to the vast underworld that is...high school."


	3. Chapter 3

**Part 3**

Icarus led Hercules in a tour around the school. Hercules followed Icarus from geometry class to gym to epic poetry class. After three hours of stressful learning, Hercules's mind was spinning. Hercules walked with Icarus to the cafeterium.

"Wow, I never realized that high school was so tough," Hercules said.

"Well, take heart, my new friend," Icarus replied, "for it is lunch time, a respite from academic adversity."

They walked passed a giant statue of Bacchus and into a large room supported by dozens of columns. There were rows upon rows of tables and benches. Some people were sitting down, but most tables were unoccupied.

"Welcome to the cafeterium!" Icarus exclaimed, throwing his arms up. "Bad food in large quantities!"

They paused in front of a live goat, contently munching on hay on its own raised platform. Icarus reached under the goats under and squeezed milk into a ceramic cup. "Goat milk?" Icarus asked.

Hercules outstretched his hand to squeeze some goat milk of his own, but clenched too hard, spraying a jet of milk into the eye of the boy behind him. Hercules turned around and gasped in alarm. The guy was gigantic with muscles on top of muscles. He gave Hercules a beastly gaze. Deeply grunting, he pressed his fist into his palm.

"Sorry, Ajax," Icarus apologized, putting himself between Ajax and Hercules. "He's the new guy." Icarus grabbed Hercules's hand and yanked him away to the cornucopia, which replenishes itself. "Herc, try not to act like the new guy."

"You got it, Icarus," Hercules replied. He snatched a banana from the cornucopia, but before he could react, a hundred more bananas poured down on him. Hercules popped his head above a mountain of bananas.

"Good example," said Icarus. He grabbed Hercules's hand and administered a scolding tap. This is the kind of thing that can get ya labelled for life. Something like...Cornu-dopia or Herky-Jerky with the Fruity-Booty..."

"OK, I think I get it..."

"Well, I'm just saying..."

Just then, a tanned, gorgeous fellow paused in front of Icarus and smirked so wide, someone could see it from the opposite end of the room. He arrogantly plucked Icarus's tray right out of his hands like fruit from a tree. "Thanks, Icky..." he teased. He pridefully marched away, showing his perfectly-combed blonde hair. The boy surrounded himself with a phalanx of armored servants.

"Hey!" Hercules protested, advancing towards the blonde youth. "He can't do that!"

Icarus blocked Hercules. "Here we go, acting new again!"

"How come we can let him get away with that?"

"Because he's Adonis. He's a prince!" Adonis, upon hearing name, turned around and smugly raised his eyebrows twice. "If you wanna survive high school, you gotta know the score."

"What's the score?"

Icarus blithely raised his hands and shot two thumbs up. "We're losing! You and me! Losers!"

Hercules shrugged it off and followed Icarus to one of the long stone tables. He did not want to be a loser, but Icarus was the high school expert. Icarus sat down next to a slender, pale girl with auburn hair and green eyes. The girl, who was apathetically eating her lunch, did not seem to notice that she had company.

"This," Icarus said, "is Cassandra." He wrapped his arms around her like a snake. "She is sweeter than ambrosia and she is all mine!"

Cassandra did not move a muscle but said, "Icarus, the hands. Move them...or lose them."

Icarus immediately obeyed and leaned in towards a puzzled Hercules. "Our relationship's in flux." He turned back to Cassandra. "Honey, I want ya to meet Hercules. This is his first day here, so make him feel welcome while I go back for firsts." He pointed to the lunch line, then disappeared in a flash.

Hercules smiled warmly, holding out his hand. "Nice to meet ya, Cassandra." Cassandra paused before unenthusiastically shaking it.

"I doubt it," she commented, "but it's polite of you to say so."

Hercules dove into his pita sandwich. "Icarus is...a great guy. Is he...your...boyfriend?"

Cassandra sat upright with indignation. "Try stalker," she snapped.

"Stalker?" asked Hercules with a mouth full of meat.

"He thinks he's my boyfriend. He flew too close to the Sun."

"Oh...he's that Icarus? Huh...I was wondering about his hair..."

"It goes deeper...like to his brain?"

They glanced across the cafeterium towards Icarus, who was glaring at a bundle of grapes. He tossed it into the pile of fruit that was already accumulating on his head, then did a bizarre dance, oblivious to the thousands of puzzled stares.

"Oh...well...he's happy though," Hercules pointed out. "Happy's good, right?"

"It's not for everybody. On the other hand, living in a deluded fantasy may be the only way to survive this 'underworld' on Earth."

"Huh?"

Cassandra leaned over. "High school?"

"Oh, right, right, the 'underworld' thing was a metaphor. We covered this in Epic Poetry class today." Hercules slapped his forehead with his palm. "I should know this stuff."

Suddenly, Hercules became aware of Cassandra's glassy stare. Cassandra's eyes spun like whirlpools, and her skin was as white as snow. Cassandra was not breathing. "Cassandra! Cassandra!" Hercules shouted. "You OK?" He moved his hand up and down in front of Cassandra's eyes but received no reaction.

Icarus rejoined them and casually placed his tray on the table. "Did I miss it?" he asked.

"A Cassandra-vision. Watch - she sees horrible stuff that's gonna happen in the future. It is her curse...just one of the things I find irresistible about her..."

Cassandra opened her mouth and recited the following monotonous words: "I see disaster in the cafeterium. The roof is falling. I see the new guy. I see the roof falling...on the new guy..."

Hercules's heart skipped a beat. He knew Cassandra was referring to him. He repeatedly jerked his head toward the ceiling. "That can't happen...I mean, this place is built to last, right?"

"Don't worry about it," reassured Icarus. "She once made this wild prediction that I would make a fool of myself in public...BUT I DON'T CARE!" He leapt onto the table and performed another little dance. "BECAUSE I AM! HOPELESSLY DEVOTED...TO HER! Oh gods, I love her so much! Who are you all locking at?!" He knelt down and wept tears of happiness.

For a moment, everyone in the cafeterium stared solely at the bizarre freak. Nobody noticed a cup drop from the upper balcony and landed on Hercules's head. "The ceiling's falling!" Hercules screamed, thrusting his hands over his precious cranium.

"Oh Icky!" Adonis called from over the balcony. "Destiny calls!"

Like a trained monkey, Icarus grabbed the fallen cup and walked towards the lunch line.

Hercules stopped him. "You can't do this!"

"Yes I can," Icarus responded cheerfully. "Refills are free!"

Hercules snatched the cup out of Icarus' hands. "I'm gonna go talk to Adonis about this. It's just not fair!" With that, he stormed off.

Cassandra sat up, her face breaking into a perky smile. "Life got fair? Why wasn't I told?"

Hercules marched up the stairs to the upper balcony, where the arrogant prince Adonis was lounging on his triclinium (fancy couch). Four servants stood close beside him; two were fanning him with palm leaves and one was feeding him grapes. Adonis leaned up and sneered at Hercules.

"Here...I think you dropped this," Hercules said, carefully pronouncing each syllable. He tossed the cup to Adonis.

Without maintaining eye contact, Adonis said, "Thank you. You may rejoin the underclass now." He raised the cup to his mouth but realized he was tasting nothing. "Hey...this is empty!"

In a condescending tone, Hercules retorted, "Refills are free. Help yourself." He gestured towards the stairs.

Adonis chuckled. "Don't be ridiculous. I never do anything for myself. For example, I'm inclined to humiliate you now." He turned to his guards. "Humiliate him now."

Four guards pounced on the young hero, and before Hercules realized it, he was sailing over the balcony and crashing into the table where Ajax was sitting. Hercules was upside-down, and part of his left foot was in Ajax's mouth. Icarus helped Hercules down, but Hercules' feet were covered in saliva.

"Here...I think you dropped this!" Adonis teased, throwing Hercules's ID right in front of his feet. "I've seen gorgons with better pictures than that!" Laughter instantly filled the room and protruded into the halls. Hercules hung his head in shame, trying desperately to hold back tears. He started to flee for the safety of the halls.

"Well sure, his pride was destroyed, his reputation annihilated," Icarus spoke to Cassandra, "but the roof did not fall."

"I think I could've handled the roof..." Hercules moaned.


	4. Chapter 4

**Part 4**

Later that evening, Hercules was at hero training with Phil. The Sun was setting, and the sky matched the color of Hercules's hair.

"OK, rookie," Phil yelled, "show me what ya got!" He tweeted his whistle, losing all of his breath in the process.

One by one, Hercules threw a shot-put, a spear, and a discus. However, he was not looking where he was throwing. He found Phil marching up to him with the shot-put on his dented head and the discus wedged in his mouth. "How did I do?" Hercules asked optimistically.

"Uth stheem dithtracted," Phil muttered.

"Huh?"

The satyr removed the discus from his mouth. "You seem distracted."

"Oh...sorry...uh, Phil? What was school like for you?"

"I learned what I knew on the streets, the school of hard-knocks." Phil leaned his head, and the shotput tumbled to the ground. "And since I took you on I feel like I've been doin' my post-graduate work!" A bruise appeared on his head that was so large, it gave him a third horn. Phil pushed it back into his head.

"I know, Phil...it's just that...everyone at school thinks I'm a loser!"

"Yeah, yeah, Achilles went through the same thing with them orthopedic sandals...what's important is who you think you are." He handed the javelin to Hercules.

"I'm...I'm not so sure sometimes..."

"Kid, forget everybody else and what they think. Figure out what you think."

After practice, Phil went inside to prepare the evening meal. With Pegasus by his side, Hercules sat on one of the island's bluffs overlooking the sparkling Aegean. Only a sliver of solar rays appeared above the horizon.

"Phil's right," Hercules groaned, resting a hand on his knee. "It shouldn't matter what everyone thinks...but it does matter! A lot!" He stoked Pegasus's mane. "How do I prove to everyone at school that I'm not a loser?"

Pegasus pretended to box.

"Pick a fight? I bet that jerk Adonis would love to - no, it's against school rules."

Pegasus raised his front hooves. He bulged out his eyes and snorted like a bull.

"Oh...with a monster! Pegasus, you're a genius!" Hercules mounted his intelligent, winged horse. "C'mon, we're going to the realm of monsters."

Meanwhile, in the land of monsters, there was another teenager. No, he was not a hero-in-training like Hercules; he was a delivery boy for Greece's most successful restaurant chain, Speedy Pita. He walked up to an enormous iron door inside of a cave. "Speedy Pita delivery guy!" he shouted in a falsetto voice. "Your dinner's here!"

The door opened, and in the threshold was a giant two-headed cyclops with blue skin. The cyclops grinned as one head spoke to the other: "You know, I'm not big on pitas..."

"No," the other head responded, "I'm more of a people person!"

The delivery boy screamed, dropping his food. Before he had a chance to run, the cyclops scooped him into the air. The cyclops's mouth watered. Suddenly, the cyclops was interrupted by a thunderous noise:

"Tremble before mighty Echidna!"

"The mother of all monsters!" the delivery boy shrieked. "I'm putting in for a new route."

Echidna, the mother of all monsters, rampaged her way towards the cyclops, who, when compared to her, was minuscule. Echidna frowned in disapproval.

"Orthos," she scolded, "your blood feast is the most important meal of the day, and what do you eat? Junk food!" She struck the poor mortal out of the cyclops' claws, and he hit the ground running.

"But mom..." one head protested.

"Shut your pie hole, lil' mister!" She put her finger on its mouth.

"Mother..." the other head exclaimed.

"That goes double for you!" She put an adjacent finger on another mouth. "Oh where did I go wrong? Your brothers and sisters are out there night and day...eviscerating armies, leveling city-states...to eat only the best! And what do you go? You stuff your faces with pita delivery boys!"

"We ate that moussaka guy once..."

"What have I always told you?"

Orthos looked at the ground as both heads recited the childhood motto: "You can't be a somebody if you eat a nobody."

"That's right! So starting tonight, you are on a strict diet! You are only to gorge on the upper crust...like a king...or a prince...or at least a hero."

The eager, young Hercules had just arrived at the realm of monsters. Pegasus swooped into a small clearing. They were surrounded by great, tall trees that were as black as the night itself. Steam crept low to the ground.

"OK, here's how I see it..." Hercules talked to himself, "I defeat a monster...word spreads at school...Herc's a hero! Life is fair again!" He was so engrossed in his fantasy that he did not react when he heard Orthos crashing through the underbrush. "Oh...that was fast." Hercules reached for his sword and faced the monster. "Nothing personal, but I'm gonna have to defeat you in battle!"

The cyclops paused. "And who exactly are you?"

"Uh...Her - Hercules."

"Never heard of ya," said Orthos, shrugging.

"I know," Hercules sighed. "Nobody has."

"Well, nobody, our mother has us on a strict diet - royalty and heroes only."

"I - I'm a hero-in-training."

Orthos' heads faced each other. "Does that count?" the stupider one asked.

"Maybe not as a meal," the other responded, "but as a snack!" The cyclops stuffed Hercules into its mouth but screamed in pain. Orthos tried to chew into Hercules, but Hercules's skin felt like solid marble. Orthos spit him out. "He's stale!"

"Check for an expiration date...it's usually on the bottom." The cyclops flipped Hercules over, examining his backside, but found nothing. "Leave him alone. He's stale and he's a nobody!"

Hercules struggled to break free but could not. He shook his clenched fist at Orthos. "I am somebody! Somebody important!"

"Prove it!"

Hercules searched his body for proof. He reached inside his chiton and pulled out his student ID. "I am a student...at the elite Prometheus Academy!"

Orthos pinched at the card and peered at it. "What a ghastly likeness," one head said. "Ever heard of a comb?"

"Hey!" Hercules yelled. "That costs ten drachmas if lost or stolen!"

"Actually, I've heard of this school. Quite prestigious," the other head noted, completely ignoring Hercules.

"So there must be some important upper-crusty people there, right?"

"We could check it out..."

"You mean that?" The cyclops flicked Hercules like a booger. The young hero sailed into a shrubbery while the cyclops stormed off with his ID. Hercules realized that he was upside-down, and his head felt like it was going to explode. He turned to Pegasus and muttered, "Ya got ten drachmas I can borrow?"


	5. Chapter 5

**Part 5**

Hercules raced across the Prometheus Academy Campus the next day. He had arrived an hour late, and he was completely unsure of where he needed to be. He bounded up a stairwell, three steps at a time, smacking into Icarus and Cassandra about three-quarters of the way up.

"How late am I?" Hercules asked desperately. He bent over and panted furiously.

"Rome fell," Cassandra said, picking up her belongings.

"What?!"

"Kidding...that won't happen for centuries. You only missed Geometry."

Icarus shrugged. "Mr. Euclid didn't even take attendance, what with the rampaging cyclops and all - "

Hercules nearly flipped. "Cyclops!? How many heads?"

"Two, I think," Icarus replied. "Could be a new student. Eh...someone said he had an ID."

"I heard the picture on it was hideous," Cassandra added.

"My ID!" Hercules exclaimed. He slapped his forehead in exasperation.

Meanwhile, inside the cafeterium, it was complete pandemonium. Hercules dodged past the many students fleeing left and right from the giant, hideous, two-headed cyclops on one corner of the room. Orthos was barking orders, none of which were being followed.

"All royalty and important people line up to the left!" Orthos shouted. "Everyone else is excused! Cooperate, and nobody will be hurt...except...the ones that will be eaten of course..." In a few short moments, the students had vacated the cafeterium. Orthos sighed, "They never make it easy..."

Suddenly, a heroic voice filled the room: "I'll make it easy for you!" Hercules strode into the cafeterium. His muscles were firm, and he looked more determined than ever. "Leave now and there won't be any trouble."

Orthos looked at Hercules and smiled pleasantly, tossing him his ID. "Oh hey, it's the stale nobody kid. Thanks for the hot tip...dynamite buffet!"

Another voice echoed throughout the room, this time from the balcony. This one was snarky, commanding one. Adonis appeared on the balcony's edge, basked by the light of the shimmering Sun. He waved a sword towards the sky. "There's been a change in the menu," the prince arrogantly declared. "No flesh this day! Instead, you shall taste my blade!" He turned to one of his guards and handed him his sword. "Here...make him taste my blade!"

Adonis snapped his fingers, and the entire brute of his guards, about twelve men in all, obediently leapt from the balcony like lemmings, landing on the shoulders and head of the cyclops. They buzzed around, trying to make the cyclops's blood gush out, but the cyclops's skin was too thick to be penetrable. Orthos brushed the guards off, effortlessly flicking them away, one by one.

"Adonis!" Hercules exclaimed. "This is my fight!"

Orthos looked down at Hercules sympathetically. "I'm sure you mean well, stale nobody kid, but we can't waste our time. Our mother has us on a strict diet - royalty and heroes only."

"I'm a hero-in-training!" Hercules's skin turned scarlet.

Adonis nodded arrogantly. "And thus you may be someone someday. But now, you are a nobody." He puffed his chest out proudly. "I, on the other hand, am a prince...right now, at this very moment!"

The cyclops perked up. Orthos smacked his lips as he plucked Adonis from the balcony and inspected him. Drool gushed from Orthos' mouths.

"We shall dine on royalty!" one head proclaimed. "Or on royalty, as the case may be."

Hercules was suddenly overcome by a wave of pity. Sure, Adonis had humiliated him in front of the entire school, but he certainly did not want his bully to be eaten alive. "Wait...you can't eat him!" he yelled.

"Can too! Mom says we can eat princes!"

"But...how's she gonna know he's a prince?"

"We'll take some bones!"

"But everyone's the same under the skin!"

"That's not true!" yelled Adonis indignantly. Out of the corner of his eye, he caught Orthos's sharp glare and froze with fear. He clasped his hands together in false piety. "I mean...we are all brothers...under the skin."

One of Orthos' heads breathed heavily. "We gotta show Mom that we made good! Should we wrap him to go?" He thought for a moment. "I know! We can have our prince and eat him, too!"

In a few parents, Orthos stormed into Mr. Parenthesis's office, seized him, and forced him to an easel. Orthos tried to force him to etch the scene into a large stone tablet. The chisel trembled in Mr. Parenthesis' hands.

"I'm not used to working in hostage conditions, you know," he said. "I mean (not that you care or course)...you are a large, one-eyed, two-headed thing...and when I say 'thing' I mean cyclops! And I (that's me) - "

"Just take the picture!" Orthos snapped.

"Uh, OK...say feta cheese!" Mr. Parenthesis raised the chisel into the air.

Hercules's blood surged, and his adrenaline pumped. Now, he decided, was the time to act. He dashed as fast as he could, leaping about twenty feet into the air and delivering a devastating right cross. Orthos stumbled backward and fell down, causing the ground to tremble.

"Whoa, that actually hurt!" Orthos complained. "OK, stale nobody kid - prepare for pain."

For the last time, Hercules said defiantly, "The name is Hercules!"

Orthos grabbed a column, which split from its foundations like twigs from a branch. He swung at Hercules, using the column as a baseball bat, but Hercules grinned, grabbed the column in the middle of its trajectory, and flipped the monster over. Just when Hercules thought he was safe, he received a massive punch that sent him flying across a table and straight into the cornucopia. The cunning teenager grabbed the cornucopia and blew into it like a trumpet, thrusting hundreds of fruits into Orthos' eyes, which stung with pain. Hercules then slammed a twenty-foot bench into Orthos. With Orthos' eyes spinning, Hercules rolled a column under Orthos' feet. As Orthos tripped and fell forward, Hercules readied his fists, swinging them faster than whips. Finally, Hercules administered the final blow, blasting Orthos into the sky.

Hercules turned around and grinned in satisfaction. His pride was restored. Suddenly, he heard a cracking sound. He looked up and realized that the cyclops-shaped hole in the ceiling was causing the entire roof to collapse. With Cassandra's vision stinging in his brain, Hercules turned and ran as debris was raining down behind him.

Outside, a crowd had gathered around the unconscious cyclops, who was sprawled over the steps to the cafeterium. "Two heads!" Icarus exclaimed. "Oh! You can eat and think at the same time!"

Cassandra was about to make some witty remark when her ears were filled with an ominous cracking noise. She locked eyes with Icarus; they were only thinking one thing: "Hercules!" They ran over to the entrance to the cafeterium, even though the door was missing. All they could see was rubble.

Icarus broke down in tears. "Oh-hoo! He was to be the best man at our wedding! Oh-hoo!" He buried his face into Cassandra's dress.

Cassandra shoved him off and groaned, "I was on the cusp of an emotion...and you just made it impossible."

Suddenly, to the pair's delight, Hercules emerged from the rubble. His hair was out of place, and his chiton was stained brown. He wore the widest smile possible. "Cassandra...good call on the roof."

"I foretold you so!" Cassandra boasted.

"But what you didn't see was that I defeated the two-headed cyclops."

Icarus pointed out, "Well, I guess Adonis didn't see that way either."

They frowned as they watched Adonis leap onto the cyclops's stomach. "I guess you could say...twas beauty that killed the beast!" Adonis boasted. The crowd of students cheerfully applauded at the prince.

"Everyone thinks Adonis saved the day," Cassandra groaned in jealousy.

Instead of interfering, Hercules merely shrugged his shoulders and walked away. "Ah...forget it. It doesn't matter."

Cassandra raised an eyebrow. "Is this abject defeat or new found maturity?" she pondered out loud.

"Who cares what everyone thinks? You wanna know what's important? What I think. And I think...I'm doing OK." Hercules made a childish smirk. The truth became all too true.

"Maturity."

Icarus added, "Perhaps the greatest foe of all."


End file.
